My alarm goes off at 4.45am at the moment. I’m awake at a bizarre deadzone time trying to pretend things are normal and being in bed by 10pm is no loss. It’s a massive loss btw, my Mom rang me at 10.30pm the other night to see how I was and my slumbering brain went into panic mode, assumed it was a 3am emergency and i yelled ARE YOU OKAY, WHAT’S HAPPENED, OH MY GOD down the phone. She was just watching Shameless and being normal of course. Look, I’m not even being funny anymore, that’s how tired and shit I am.

these are the tracks I’m playing on my dark as fuck journey into work, probably not helping my mood much but w/e i’m playing the victim and it’s pure.

this sounds all Zen garden with that little ‘EEH’ noise Ellie squeaks out like underwater dolphin sonar,  i love the  little keyboard noise trickling in that makes me think about Cassie Me & You <3

I like everything about this weird, broken little track. It’s calm and let’s your brain twerk out to the bounce whilst your emo brain laps up the needy vocal.

*hand claps* I knew just what I had to be, When I heard you say what you said to me *handclaps

I like finding music that makes me pause. Kinda like that moment after necking a frozen daiquiri ’cause you’re thirsty, and your body holds it really happily for a brief three seconds then screams I HATE U, WHO R U, when your organs go into shock. That momentary sense of contented consumption is a rare thing *emo eyebrow shapes* plus you can do it repeatedly during your office afternoon and waste a fuck-load of time feeling at 1 with sound, before the 55 bus makes you feel like a revolting tramp with no purpose.

Lianne La Havas – Forget (Kwes rework)

Sky Ferreira - Everything Is Embarrassing FT. Blood Orange

p.s I hope all of the babes involved in these tracks make a major tonne of ca$h and form a super-group for the enlightened.

I haven’t written on here for ages, because 1: Kitty Pryde is totally more important than any other artist in the world so i don’t wanna embed shitty remixes of M.I.A or gifs of Madonna pissing her rotten old self or w/e… but also because 2. I’ve been working on an actual real-life thing that is now finished. Scuze me for sounding like a cnt, but it’s like a party on the internet, and you can control it at home. So you don’t gotta dress up, shave your legs, put on your social-voice or even set your webcam to a flattering angle. Just watch this, click some shit and lie back in your Adidas joggers eating jumbo bags of onion rings and drink some Ribena. It’s basically the future.

and *yes* that’s me being an awkward stumbling prick, over gesticulating wildly and tripping over imaginary video boxes. Soz for breaking the MySpace illusion.

But yeah this party video is full of goodness like Peter & Kerry, MC’s Faizer and Koder, Hyperfrank, AmazingPhil and Danisnotonfire with Georgia LA (babe) from SBTV plus we got soundtracked by Daniel Avery (he used to be StopMakingMe) who is perfect, here’s his 30 minute party set, you can even download it to repeat 4ever.

I’m making another one soon – if you wanna be involved and you’re not shit, email us: wearecrystalvision@gmail.com or tweet us <3 @crystalvisiontv

Audi hunnays!

When one of my hu$tler bbz from Twittter was declaring some faceless bish from YouTube the realist rapper, I understandably wanted to like her as much as chicken pox. But this creepy little bitch rapping over Charnsuka is a RIOT <3 you know how we all made fake radio shows on our TalkBoys when we were 10? Or home videos of us prancing about in high ponytails and Adidas leggings storming through Spice Girl routines? This is the 2k12 version and Kitty Pryde is TRILL SPICE.

“i hate the world i luv your shampoo”

When i was 14 i hated the world (i was waiting for internet to exist in my village, struggling with frizzy hair pre-GHD and waiting for my tits to pad out my velour orange polo shirt from Tammy Grrl) but i luved making out in the park and passing notes to sk8r boys in Etnies with velcro logos. Who the fuck doesn’t make sense of lyrics like that? She ain’t after a Peace Prize she just wants to get high and make out with Supreme boys, she works in Claires Fucking Accessories FFS, what could be more golden?

Go stalk her track about fan-grrling over Justin Bieber, smashing up Selena Gomez in her wedding car and the ultimate faith that one day Justin will be her bwoy.

and then this is track sending every guy bananas – Okay Cupid (which btw is an American dating site) where she chats shit about snorting pills (what is this Myspace?!) with her BFF crew in the background looking like Kill Rock Star groupies, getting her lip tattoo out and bunny boiling with pure pride <3 I fckn love Kitty Pryde CHICK IS REALITY>>

“shawty you’re a ten, i wait for you drunk dials at 3.30am – i love them
so call me sober when you’re ready, not going steady, but babe i’ve planned our wedding already”

“so much discussion over a song i wrote in traffic to impress a boy
its like making a grilled cheese and listening to hundreds of thousands of people bitch about how it isnt gourmet” – KP 2012

Go send her adoration and haikus here: @kttydothedishes tell her i sent u for extra fame.

I got a death threat on Twitter this week from a One Direction stalker who accused me of being ‘another Caroline-cougar bitch chasing Harry who doesn’t deserve to have met the best boys in the world’  :-D  i’m gonna RT it in 3 years when she’s working in Tesco after failing her music B.Tech and capture her cyber cringe.

Here’s something from Mad Decent that sits really neatly in my bwains right now , you can get it £0 over here http://thejeffrees.com and if you listen to it on repeat for 3 hours it might wash away the fact that pop-phlegm  Stooshe exist (but i can’t promise anything obz)

Here’s something so fckn perfect it makes me Brat out like a Haribo sponsored Olsen Twin themed party. You know I’m always heavy in <3 with Lapalux and this time he’s musically hooked up with Lianne La Havas to birth this baby:

What I’m really after is some unsettling new music that makes me feel like I’m being followed home by the guy that guards the cava in my local shop, he’s got one eye and no sense of personal space – do you know a track that can do this? SHARE IT WITH ME PLZ @Laura_Milkteeth

Laura May Coope

If ‘Never Let You Go’ by Florence and the Machine is a bit too :’-( for you, try this freshly dropped Clams Casino refix. It’s substantial, eerie and really quite beautiful, it sounds a bit more like this ;’-)

Fuck know. And groupies don’t carry condoms so lez just shelf that thought.  If you’re confused – and shame on your babyface if you are – Nardwuar is an interviewing genius that stalks elite celebrities and pickles their brains with personal information and 105% targetted gifts that have big boys like Jay Z and Slipknot weeping with emotion into their banknotes. Watch it all  here and praise him good.

He got his golfing attire over to Austin for SXSW and hooked up with A$AP Rocky and the A$AP crew. That priddy Motherfuckur Rocky looks like Derren Brown just levitated across the warehouse when Nardwuar starts chatting about Harlem hangouts and Desree (not Des’ree, gutted).  Watch it all here if U YOUNG&TRILL >>>>

Produced by DJ 2 Stacks here’s something for you faux-lesbos to ‘girl crush’ over (scuze me whilst i chunder over your tumblr) now that Azealia Banks  stopped RT’ing you.

Gita is HOT FUCKING NEWS.  This track is a Foxy Brown toned smooth piece of work that makes me feel the way Skee-Lo ‘I Wish’ used to when I taped it off the radio and told my teacher it was my summer project. It was!  WORD UP GITA <3

Stalk Gita her: www.twitter.com/GITASPEAXDAILY

Gorillaz and Converse are two things that normally give me a rash of repulsion. But somehow they’ve sewn themselves together and made not only a pair of camo-Converse that I lust after, but also a track with Andre 3000 and LCD Soundsystems James Murphy that is more addictive than amphetamine enhanced Haribo. ‘Do Ya Thing’ might just be abusing my unusually positive mindset today (it’s sunny and warm and i can finally wear slutty tights again, amen) but I wanna host a picnic on my roof with this playing on repeat, serving macaroons and whiskey sours.

You can download the track fr33 here: http://play.converse.com/blog/2012/02/23/doyathing/

IDGAF about the video cause those illustrations remind me of being a greebo at Reading Festival when i was 18, wearing a Distillers sweatband and notably, the last time i wore Converse in the real world.  But for those of you that do, here’s some of the teaser images stuck together.

AND CONVERSE IF YOU’RE LISTENING I WOULD LIKE THE CAMO PAIR IN A UK SIZE 6 THANKS BABES <3

This isn’t fresh out of the audio-womb, but it’s been bubbling in my brain for the last few weeks like an urgent lullaby. Now i’m screeching “KICK DOWN DOOORS” as I’m eating Golden Grahams in the morning and barging bitches out my way on Oxford Street at 9.45am chanting “MURKAGE IS A FREIGHT TRAIIINNNNN” like some bass-possessed banshee.

‘Torches’ is the latest track from Manchester bosses Murkage and it manages to squish the atmosphere of a local derby football match with Aiya Napa at 4am in the square. Which i know sounds gash and terrifying, but it’s fucking liberating when you sit on the tube with this grinding through your brain, whilst everyone else is swaying gently to that fucking Gotye song. Go and stalk my murky-babes on Facebook and Twitter to shower them with cyber-chants.

and cause Murkage are such kind kittens you can download Torches for FR££ right here: http://www.murkage.net/torchesdownload.php

You can even see some melon-eating backstage efforts here: