TNT the dynamighty

We soldiered the storm clouds last Thursday to see Geeneus, MistaJam and Ms Dynamite fill up Digital with an allsorts crowd of Kangol reppin’ jungle heads and 1st year blonde girls terrified of bass. Now, I gotta say I’m a painfully dedicated Ms Dynamite fan, if the Brownie Guides did a badge for reciting ‘Boo’ I’d have a gold plated one. So I was kinda tense at the prospect of seein Niomi Arleen McLean-Daley stepping back on to the sweaty stage and kicking out a hard party; BUT she ran the tightest show I’ve seen in ages.

A throbbing 40 minute set back 2 backed gleaming new tracks ‘Bad Gyal’ and ‘Lions Den’ with nostalgic explosions from ‘It Takes More’ and ‘Put Him Out’. A rush of UKG fanatical crowd jammed their way forwards, with girls hanging off beams and Dynamite plucking a few men out to lead some So Solid vocals, everything was on fire. There was total control and experience rattling out of that voicebox “I’m not a fucking DJ so don’t bother requesting, just get what you’re given and enjoy it” and it was totally enjoyed, even with a rotten apple VK in my palm and my jacket under every fucking photographers feet. I think at least 60% of the crowd pissed themselves when the chants of “hyperrrr” starting teasing out, and when Dynamite launched into ‘Boo’ it was a multi-heart attack for everyone between those balmy walls. It was like listening to it first time around in Falaraki wearing a camo print Morgan skirt and ugly wooden wedges from Faith; I could almost smell the fish-bowl cocktails and tropical vomit.

Nostalgia to one side, this was a fucking titanic night and when the long-long-long-time awaited album ‘Democracy’ FINALLY arrives I’m gonna gel my hair for a month in ode.

Start flexin that white tracksuit again- Dy-na-mi-tee:

Fight For This Bruv

Apologies from my frozen winter heart for the time-away. We’ve been in Berlin shivering ourselves blind, good hearty times though with plenty of big measure cocktails, multi-coloured sushi and catching up with our warm glowing friends The XX, who bought Florence and The Machine along for a cherry colada in an old train carriage that had transformer-style morphed into a 50s diner bar, playing mowtown and disco until 6am.

So if that image didn’t melt you like a mini-milk, the more obvious image of Griminal heading up this post will. The guy is visual-cream, the swagger, the vocals, the jawline. Jeez, all this and the hot grimey potato is still at college and has yet to release a solo single yet. His mix-tape features and vocal input on smashers with Ghetts, Terror Danjah and N.A.S.T.Y Crew with his brother, grime fixture Marcus Nasty, have fired up a heavy industry  buzz. Not forgetting the aesthetic feature on Mz Bratt and Sadie Ama’s ‘I like you’ video.

Yeah, so enough verbal-gushing. This track is like binge eating a box of doughnuts, sugar coated tasty material that is so sickly your teeth are gonna collapse, and you’re gonna puke alot. Cheryl Cole is more sacred to the UK than marmite and tea, every fucker loves her and that shiny, shiny hair. We think she’s alright, but this Griminal take on ‘Fight For This Love’ makes it guiltily rough enough to love. No shockers that Crazy Cousinz had input here. You don’t need to tell me this is borderline ridiculous, I KNOW, but can’t a girl just enjoy her fucking doughnuts sometimes and deal with the enamel issues later? YEP.

Cheryl Cole – Fight For This Love – Feat Griminal – Crazy Cousinz mix – YSI

Cheryl Cole – Fight For This Love – Feat Griminal – Crazy Cousinz mix – ZS

Solid Team Are Back

When we got the tip off for a So Solid re-birth there were visions of Asher D lacing up his Air Max, Ms Dynamite flexing her gunfire vocals and Neutrino bleaching his roots for a strong team reunion. Then we got the video and the hype balloon popped. This is unfortunately, the kind of come-back that stinks of overdrafts and overdue mortgage payments – a need for cash flow and credit.

‘Since you Went Away’ has some high points: Lisa Maffia’s vocals are as sharp and decent as they ever were, Romeo still growls along like a new engine, but the court-side seats and suit\shades combination don’t make us wag our tails the way we hoped – this guy was a uk garage heartTHROB – now he looks like the guy from HSBC that still wears CKOne. Mega puts on a reliable show, some neat rhymes and traditional style, but the groupies and 90’s chorus melody just doesn’t offer enough.

The kind of UKG comebacks we’ve seen recently have been explosive. Ms Dynamite’s ‘Bad Gyal’ is a contender for track of 2009, Maxwell D and his ‘Blackberry Hype’ led rise is a transformation into quality UK Funky and inimitable MC style, We’ve seen Zed Bias sticking a bass heavy luxury seasoning over ‘Neighbourhood’ making something so era-definitive into a contemporary 2009 highlight. MJ Cole has teamed up with some of the UK’s most important DJ’s (L-Vis 1990, Toddla T) and rattled out quality work that pushes his talents in front of a whole new audience. Even Heartless Crew have made a valiant and respectable effort with  ’The Greatest 09′, with nods to bashment popularity.

So Solid – you’ll always have a warm spot in our heart – but like my year 8 history teacher always said :

MUST TRY HARDER.

Milk Teeth Hyper Halloween Party

Milk Teeth is ganging up for a midweek Hyper Halloween Party on 27/10/09

London’s epic gutter house night NIGHT SLUGS has kindly loaned out resident Manara for a headline eerie tropical set. We’ve also got old skool b’more fly boy Russ Rockwell, Angry Dance Party founder Chris Pell/DJ Murlo, and residents FiFi and Neuf (thass me).

The XX are also coming along for an after party (following their headline gig at Audio) so come bob apples with those guys whilst suppin’ on some Zombie Colada.

I’m gonna dress as Lisa Left Eye Lopez with a hint of Anne Nicole Smith.

SO – Brighton – 27/10/09 The Jazz Place (under The Loft, Ship Street) Free entry before 11pm – £3 after – MILK TEETH HYPER HALLOWEEN PARTY

Expect somma diss:

UK Funky – Grime – B’more – UKG – Hip Hop – Vintage Bitch Rap – Bass

Love Machine

Just when winter crashed down on our heads, Lohan released a soul crushing fashion collection, X Factor allowed rancid twins to become national hatred figures, the Labour conference blocked our street with Moss Bross cufflinks and The MOBO’s gave Dappy a pump to bump-up that ego further – - –  - – -this snow white sigh of relief arrived.

Fresh from Jules Holland, Shakira praise, a Florence + the Machine support tour and the start of their first headline tour – The XX sat tight on their bus (which has a blanked out gas engineer logo on the side, and a damp gas man’s cooker on the inside) and slapped this percussion driven bass hop together, with vox to melt an ice rink.  Romy and Oliver are honey over the beat, Jamie has blended Bok Bok style tropical bassline with Florence’s massive lungs staggered in layers, giving way to some classroom nostalgic xylophone breaks.  This makes my week.  Evelyn Glenny with popping sub bass candy.

Florence + The Machine – You\’ve Got the Love (The XX remix) – DropIO

Florence + The Machine – You\’ve Got the Love (The XX remix) – YSI

Pulease, do buy the album here

SUPER NOODLES

Lookin at the heavy tonnes of tunes Noodles have worked on over the last 13 years is like a research project of my dancing carbon-footprint. Since 1996 when Noodles set up the Groove Chronicles and DPR record labels, he’s been pushing diamond nuggets of UK Garage into our ears.  If I built a royal palace for UKG pioneers, Noodles would be there in some gem encrusted chaise longue with Wookie, MJ Cole and The Dreem Team hanging about, playing pool with fabergé eggs.

Noodz recently produced a pure UKG mix for FACT magazine, featuring a Milk Tray type combination of Zed Bias, Sunship, Archetects , Artful Dodger and acres more.  This mix is the kinda thing you rediscover and never wanna put down, like eggs and soldiers, jager bombs and My So Called Life – nostalgic, exciting and fucking DELICIOUS.

Noodles – September 2009 mix for FACT

1. 4hero – Hold It Down – (Wookie Remix)

2. Zed Bias – All Night Jam (Steve Gurley Remix)

3. Brandy & Monica – Boy is Mine (Architeches Remix)

4. Sugababes – Run for Cover (G Force Remix)

5. Headtop – The Matrix

6. East 17 – Each Time (Sunship Remix)

7. Frankie Paul – Kissing Game (Large Joints Remix)

8. Troublesome – DJ Luck & Shy Cookie Remix

9. After Party

10. Zoom & DBX – Comin Again

11. If Your Girl Knew

12. Confetti

13. G.O.D

14. Dub-a-holics – Just in Case

15. Roots Manuva & MJ Cole – Dreamy Days (Remix)

16. Steve Gurley – Lessons in Love

17. Midnight Caller

18. Ghetto Lovin’

19. Lynden David – Hall (Artful Dodger Remix)

20. Menta – Sounds of Da Future

21. Groove Chronicles – 1999

22. Sunshine Anderson – Heard It All Before

23. Headtop – Madshit

THIS GOES HARD!

Driven

Jon Curtis is crafting big stubborn bass tracks right now. This is his debut production and it sounds like chasing somebody around on bumper cars with coffee shakes – instrumental glitchy house with reggae snippets and windy loops. There’s a nice nod to Major Lazer here with some neat little tricks to keep things moving.

Jon Curtis – Driven – YSI

Rock Off

Hmm.. no something here just isn’t sitting right. Kano, a guy I have held on a golden throne somewhere in my head for years, has released this lazy playground feeding single Rock n Roller.  The lyrics make me wanna puke, it’s like looking at a hot ex-boyfriend turning up at a big party in some rotten fake Armani sunglasses – you run a mile and deny all knowledge right?

Kano, remember ‘Home Sweet Home’? That was SOLID.  Rock n Roller? It’s a bad shag drunken memory, a hang over of a single that is no doubt going to fill your paws with a million kiddies pocket money.  Hopefully this isn’t a sign of things to come, the album will be fresh and sizzling as it should be, camown Kano – SORT IT OUT.

Official single lands on October 26th. If Santa drops that in my stocking I’m asking for a refund.

Keisha get RAW

Can somebody send Keisha a hamper please? This girl is in SERIOUS need of tea, Wipsa Gold’s and some of that royal jelly honey shit that Waitrose always stick in ’sympathy baskets’.  Read this piece of bleeding heart from Keisha’s Twitter today:

“I’m sad to say that I am no longer a part of the Sugababes … Although it was not my choice to leave, it’s time to enter a new chapter in my life … I would like to state that there were no arguments, bullying or anything of the sort that lead to this. Sometimes a breakdown in communication and lack of trust can result in many different things.”

And just to rub some massive sea salt grains into this fresh musical wound, Keisha’s replacement will be global icon/Eurovision reject Jade Ewen, who was previously rumoured to be replacing other s.babe Amelle earlier this year. Jade is also one of Keisha’s mates and poor Keeshy even denied the whispers to the press ages ago.

Basically without Keisha, the Sugababes are a Whopper without the beef, a Tequilla without the lime, a Lil Wayne without the tattoo’s. Nobody cares and nobody is gonna swallow it.  My brain is now fizzing with images of Keisha and Mutya reforming to create some ultra-tight, ultra-talented work of audio art. Maybe they could call themselves WET-DREAM and make us all happy yeah.

C’MOWN GALS, GET ON BOARD.

Now take a 5 minute silence to visually celebrate this video. RIP BABEZ.

Scars

It’s not too frequently that a big budget production piece really clutches my attention, let alone burrows under my skin then seeps into my sleep patterns. ‘Scars’ from Basement Jaxx is a charged thunder cloud, looming over the skies with uneasy beats, daunting nightmare samples and a bouquet of artists that flow together like pools of wax.

The last time I gave a shit about Basement Jaxx was when Jump’n'Shout juddered out of the woodwork, which was a fizzy barking dog of a track.  Scars is wayyy more dangerous, almost sinister with it’s sliced up operatic samples, Kelis growling along like a panther, Meleka hop-scotching over the beats with her uk fresh vox  and Chipmunk blasting through with a truly developed masculine input.  Just when I’m starting to vomit at the thought of another commericial grime/pop crossover (Kano – Rock n Rolla is VILE) Scars bombs it all outta the dirty water.

Basement Jaxx – Scars – featuring Kelis, Meleka and Chipmunk – YSI

Basement Jaxx – Scars – featuring Kelis, Meleka and Chipmunk – Zshare

Pre-order the album, also called Scars here.