I’m not using the term Femcee – it sounds like thrush cream. But we all know things are poppin off for Iggy and Azealia right now in a global style. I’m pretty smug to say Milk Teeth interviewed Azealia Banks yonkers ago, you can re-read the lol-filled business here: $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ and since then she’s swollen in status like a magical tumour. Here’s her latest creations, showing off those sparklin vocal chords and proving that there’s more to female artists than Lana Del Ray mumbling through those blowjob lips:
Similarly Iggy Azalea is spreading like STD gossip in year 10 and isn’t slowing down or softening that mega-bitch style she’s been flexing since creation. This time she’s getting venomous over Roman in Moscow and it sounds pretty tight.
Lol, I just remembered Uffie and how shit she was.
This blog is about music and bitchin MAINLY. But there are other gorjus aspects to my lifestyle that i know you’re all hungry to devour. SO in case any music aggregation sites have a pop about me going a bit freestyle, here’s some musak to listen to whilst you read about my quest to become a fckn pro-anna skeleton like my hero Chloe Mafia (see above)
The mix is a live recording of fresh audio-Calpol courtesy of my favourite producer Clams Casino performing at SOM last year. Recorded off the boards direct to Ableton, and mastered by Zachg. You can download it and keep it 4ever here: http://www.mediafire.com/?9nb63w053z5mwn1
So soundtrack aside. As you know I’m a slut for an experiment, so myself and an actual respectable member of the community @TheJoeHarland have decided to embark on a novelty calendar of cruel food based punishment with novelty themes. We’ve Googled the stupidest diets that celebrities have abused to lose 13 stone in 3 weeks (shout out to Beyonce and the cayenne pepper spesh, that’s on the hit list) and we’ll be dabbling with one each month to see how cranky we can make our work place, how bad our breath gets, how fluro our piss turns, how skeletal our frames become and how annoying we get before we quit (i estimate 3.5 weeks for me) I’m hoping to get thinner than that one time I had scarlet fever, got paranoid and anxious from scratching a rash all day, snorted pro-plus as a treat and spent all of my wages on luxury bottled water.
We’re starting easy with this: The Banana Diet (made famous by some dumb bitch in Japan) ”You start with a banana, as many as you want, for breakfast, with warm water. You don’t have anything until lunch. You have a basic lunch, which can be anything you want, even pizza and fries. Then (in mid-afternoon), you can have a snack, which can even be a sweet. Then dinner, which can be anything you want. It has to be before 8 p.m. Nothing after dinner, including sweets. Then, you have to go to bed before midnight.”
I’ll probably have to stop binge eating peanut m&m’s at 3am in bed whilst streaming New Girl and trying to decide if Zooey Deschanel will ever be fuckable again.
How i can I leave before I dropping this murky perfect video on you, like an infected tiny roofie in your mulled wine <3
Just call me Mrs Claus baybee (and supply me with a £40 Anne Summers voucher so i can buy the slutty-santa dress)
“Kidnap a vampire and drain all his fuckin veins
Wolf Grey Jordans, use his intestines for the strings
Snatch up Rihanna and throw her in front of a fuckin train
Sniff a fucking unemployment line of cocaine
Tie Lil B up to a full tank of propane
Swag, now watch him cook.. and just stand there and look
Have a bonfire with old Harry Potter books
Martians vs. Goblins, goons vs. the crooks”
LIL WAYNE YOU PUSSY, WHY WEREN’T YOU DRESSED LIKE THOSE LITTLE MARTIANS FROM TOY STORY?
Before I go home to the Midlands and get mocked for being a vegetarian, teach my cousins how to vodka-tampon and sob into my teenage bed because my Dad threw away my old diaries - I thought I’d patronise you with some HAWT TIP OFFS for 2012. I’m going to make this really brief and then record an extended video entry on NYE when I’m 2 bottles of Archers down (and i wonder why my tooth fell out this week) rambling about how slutty-cooking is the new dubstep, and how Maxwell D and me nearly got it owwwnnn thanks to Twitter and the #garagememories hashtag.
Lapalux makes synth waves so big and deep its like swimming through honey, he smashes around bass throbs and dainty vocals, churning out tracks so fluid and graceful they make Kate Middleton look like a fat ugly old cow. If he doesn’t use that in his biography I’ll be personally pissed off. I saw him play at The Nest earlier this month, and it was one of the best sets i’ve seen this year. He’s got proper energy and reminds us that lesbians like James Blake only know how to make one good track.
Nacho makes flawless fucking rap music, with smooth as nutella production (thanks to Blue Sky Black Death) and monotone bars that make ASAP Rocky sound pre-school. He throws to Bad Brains and Black Flag and makes horror-core references way more Wu-Tang than OFKTA. Lyrics like:
“I pay a juggalo to come for your jugular
If I like the jugs on her, then I’m probably druggin her”
are exactly what i’m after, you can download his album for FREE $$$$$$$$$$ here: http://nachopicasso.com/
SAM FRANK: You know all about Sam Frank already, you do because he’s the fella that Skream is obsessed with that sings through a vo-coder and makes everything sound like if Daft Punk weren’t gash. You know Where You Should Be’ and ‘Anticipate’? Yep, They are Mr Frank. And his solo material is slick as fuck and bizarrely heartbreaking, try this:
CASINO TIMES: http://soundcloud.com/casino-times I want you to all be obsessed with Casino Times, so we can share headphones on the tube and gush about how smart they are, you can even bring me a poptart and some coffee and the journey will be perfect. They make slow, romantic house music with jittery fragments of mixed vocals and waves of well crafted noise. They even remixed M J Cole without being twats, infact, it sounded incredibly decent. I love them love them love them. And I hate everything.
THERE ARE LOADS MORE. BUT I’M GOING HOME NOW. CIAO KUNT$. Laura-May Coope
Soz I’ve been a bit quiet – I spend my days lighting cough syrup infused sceneted candles and being led around on a jager-drip like this:
I have also spent a chunk of time shouting at the shitty small TV we have (cause we’re paying for Sky, even though our screen is 2cm big) whenever lesbians come on the screen, yelling “PLEASE DON’T THINK ALL GAYS ARE LIKE THIS” i.e Don’t Tell The Rancid Bride and 4am L-Word repeats. Obz most lesbo’s I know wear padded Primark coats and eat Greg’s pastries daily, but then we see gurls like Syd the Kyd from Odd Future living out an X Rated Sugar Rush plot with some hot bish at a fairground, booting her when she passes out, AND I realise that thankfully romance isn’t dead.
Here’s the proof that babes that luv babes exist:
and if that video makes you squirm and you get all feminist or whatevs, you can listen to this remix of Little Dragon and just appreciate the hi-level talents that Syd has creeping out of her fade-cut. Download it too if you wanna, it IS the season of goodwill etc.
“all i want’s a second or two
and all we got are seconds to lose
and all i am is tempted by you”
When I was like 13 or 14 I took a weekend off spending my pocket money on watermelon 20:20/B&H and went shoplifting in Our Price in the Leamington Spa Royal Priors shopping centre. It was a shit place to be with any kind of human hindsight, but to my naive Sun-In stained head it was retail mecca. I pocketed a few cassette singles, probably Brandy and Monica and maybe Joe ‘Stutter’ and then spent actual $$ on a track called Nursery Rhymes by Iceberg Slimm. I played it loads on my bulky ugly stereo and my Mom banned it from the house like the bitch she was ( lol jks Mom you’re a babe, shout outs etc).
I found it again this week, and FUCK ME, this track was FUTURISTIC. If someone like Tinie Tempah dropped this now the UK would be in praise and awe, it’s sick and big and weird and features an East London School Choir. Listen to it here and feel enlightened and fresh, and smug on my teenage behalf.
I’m glowing (-_-) the first part of my UKGarage series went down harder than Kim Kardash with a webcam. Here’s the second, this time I’m looking at the moulding and sculpting of UKG and speaking to Noodles, a geezer who made things happen and is still pushing the right directions.
No doubts about it, the birth and 2stepping explosion of UKGarage was a big scene in the UK, it created and branded something of our own that shaped summers and life soundtracks for everyone that wasn’t listening to Moby on mini-disc waxing lyrical about Pascha, or painting their stubby nails black listening to Nu-Metal. Raves were soundtracked by it, babies were made to it, radio stations consumed by it, compilations sold out with it and some major names were made that changed the face of UK music for good.
Noodles: “UKG arrived to me in the earlier 90’s from the likes of Nice n Ripe records, back then the sound was mostly American & European influenced. The tracks that really define the genre for me will always be Stonecold (Groovechronicles) and Shaun Escoffery ‘So Sweetly’ (CJ Reign remix) Listen here:
.”The producers I work with like Dubchild/El-B/Modepth/CJ Regin/DJ Ski/Tremor Fire Dubz are still producing UKG, but the scene has changed, I think due to a lack of quality music coming from the scene and regular dedicated club-nights vanishing. I do like Dubstep and other genres , that’s why I encourage the producers around me to work with what they feel.”
“I’ll still be UKG raving in 10 years time, why not “
After my way too passionate audio-affair with All Saints when i was an 11 year old, I kinda knew there was something brighter and better out there, something that didn’t include the extended dance edition of ‘Never Ever’. If it was 2011 That thing would have been Google images, which would have extended my interest levels for as long as picturingthe Appleton twins macking out lasts….
But nah, i found a name for the music that always made my pre-pollution heart beat a bit faster, the guy in Leamington Spa Fopp told me to listen to ‘Battle’ by Wookie and shit made sense. I was a UK Garage gurl. And that stamp has stayed with me forever and ever and evs etc. Even listening to some twat in a snapback playing ‘Sambuca’ by the Wideboys at a Fresher Carnage Party behind my window gives me a slight throb, and that is the piss on the floor of a beautiful babe genre.
I’m going to investigate UKG in a 3 part Milk teeth special, like that fat cunt who investigated/ate McDonalds every hour until his liver collapsed, heavy doses and plenty of dramatic language. My first slab is looking at Uk Garage RIGHT NOW, 2011, and I’ve chosen Uk producer Duncan Powell as my first obsession. Here’s what he has to chat:
“I was a UKG raver/listener during the late 90′s boom and started to
produce it from 2002 onwards. The energy and rawness and good vibe of UKG
has always kept the fire burning for me. Djs like Karl Brown & EZ
inspired me to become a DJ and producers such as EL-B, Dem 2, Booker
T, Mj Cole & Todd Edwards inspired me to make my own tracks”
Listen to his BLISSFULL track I Never Cried here
” ‘I Never Cried’ came from me experimenting bridging the gap between
garage & dubstep and trying to develop my own take of the 2011
underground sound. Originally it was going to be a 2step dubby track
without the main drop, but after being inspired by a Oneman DJ set, I
went back and edited it to the track you hear today”
Here’s another dose of Duncan for your starving ears Phonetix – Why (Duncan Powell Steppers Choice Mix):
This is the dead classy kinda debut release that makes me shuffle about feeling inadequate and nervy. Jessie Ware is like a Leon wrap in a lunch break full of 99p ham sandwiches. SBTRKT knows, Sampha knows, Joker knows, Jamie XX knows… she’s got a golden buffet of musical support webbed around her, and this new single ‘Strangest Feeling’ is everything it should be.
I ain’t saying anymore cause the witty percentage of my brain has been melted by acne paranoia and general fatigue. Send me scented candles and coconut water plz.
I took time outta my hard-pressed Sunday drinking rum&apple whilst dredging YouTube for WWF Women Wrestlers, to listen to one track on repeat and repeat and repeat – introducing Azealia Banks aka Miss Bank$. I’ve got huge portions of time for girls with dollar signs in their names that look like a T.L.C houseparty, so hunted her down for an interview. Barbiez get prepped – this gurl is gonna take things over swear down.
Milk Teeth: I got introduced to your music earlier today and i’m totally in hard-love, Miss Bank$ , you are 19, you’re from Harlem, you spit lyrics like ‘Imma ruin you cunt’ and you have swag like T-Boz from TLC – who are you and where have you arrived from?
Azealia Banks: thanks sooo muchh! haha, i’m glad people are really into itt. Lol.. i’m from harlem.. lol i dunno.. i’m azealia lolol whattayawantt???!?
You sampled Ladytron – how the fuck did this happen? I used to dance like some valium-calmed robot to that track years ago…
I heard “Seventeen” in Party Monster. that movie with Macaulay Culkin, when i was like 14, and when i started rapping around 17 i thought it would be cute to remix it.
Your music is making me wanna throw a BBQ and bodypaint myself with LV logos like Lil Kim - this is all goodness, how do people react to your music in NYC? Are you getting any beef from guys scared that you’re doin it better?
lolololololol…. crazyyyyy… hahaha ummm….i dunno, i dont really have a big buzz in anyone place, it’s mostly like pockets of underground scenes in NYC, MTL, and LDN, and then the industry heads that’ve heard of me and whatnot. and no, i haven’t had any beef…
Tell us the info – where can we buy your stuff, any live dates, anyone you’re working with, any videos we should be watching?
Well i dont have anything officially released except that major lazer remix… but i’m just working on a bunch of tracks and just sort of building a catalog… dunno if i’ll do a mixtape or what.. if a good deal comes along and i can release music officially that would be ideal.. but i’m just gonna keep releasing singles and building until there’s a bit more of a demand for me… ya knoww..
Pick one from these rapper gurls – 1. Kreayshawn 2. Lady Leshurr 3. Roxxxan?
Forget the bar. I'm living the real highlife in my room watchin Ghosthunting - The Only Way is Essex & drinking the little pots of UHT milk. 17 hours ago
the Christian soul-mate show is AMAZING was the voice-over as inspiring @scott_mills ? 21 hours ago
I’m not using the term Femcee – it sounds like thrush cream. But we all know things are poppin off for Iggy and Azealia right now in a global style. I’m pretty smug to say Milk Teeth interviewed Azealia Banks yonkers ago, you can re-read the lol-filled business here: $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ and since then she’s swollen in status [...]
This blog is about music and bitchin MAINLY. But there are other gorjus aspects to my lifestyle that i know you’re all hungry to devour. SO in case any music aggregation sites have a pop about me going a bit freestyle, here’s some musak to listen to whilst you read about my quest to become [...]
Before I go home to the Midlands and get mocked for being a vegetarian, teach my cousins how to vodka-tampon and sob into my teenage bed because my Dad threw away my old diaries - I thought I’d patronise you with some HAWT TIP OFFS for 2012. I’m going to make this really brief and then record an extended [...]
Soz I’ve been a bit quiet – I spend my days lighting cough syrup infused sceneted candles and being led around on a jager-drip like this: I have also spent a chunk of time shouting at the shitty small TV we have (cause we’re paying for Sky, even though our screen is 2cm big) whenever [...]
When I was like 13 or 14 I took a weekend off spending my pocket money on watermelon 20:20/B&H and went shoplifting in Our Price in the Leamington Spa Royal Priors shopping centre. It was a shit place to be with any kind of human hindsight, but to my naive Sun-In stained head it was [...]
I’m glowing (-_-) the first part of my UKGarage series went down harder than Kim Kardash with a webcam. Here’s the second, this time I’m looking at the moulding and sculpting of UKG and speaking to Noodles, a geezer who made things happen and is still pushing the right directions. No doubts about it, the [...]
After my way too passionate audio-affair with All Saints when i was an 11 year old, I kinda knew there was something brighter and better out there, something that didn’t include the extended dance edition of ‘Never Ever’. If it was 2011 That thing would have been Google images, which would have extended my interest [...]
I took time outta my hard-pressed Sunday drinking rum&apple whilst dredging YouTube for WWF Women Wrestlers, to listen to one track on repeat and repeat and repeat – introducing Azealia Banks aka Miss Bank$. I’ve got huge portions of time for girls with dollar signs in their names that look like a T.L.C houseparty, so [...]
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